Bullet Points.

Contemplative state of mind. Go.

--Just watched 500 Days of Summer. I don't care what the legit edgy people say, that movie wasn't trying to be anything.
--Edgy...what is it with my obsession with being edgy? I don't really want to be edgy...just look like edgy...it's more just the label...and the look...which are things that don't matter and just burn in the end...a desire to not be mainstream...or preppy...ew, preppy...just want to be unique.
--I still have 3 weeks left of break. 3 weeks at home. Which is nice. Love my family. Miss my friends, who are becoming more and more like family as time goes by.
--Signed a lease for an apartment for next year. It's a nice apartment, and I'm grateful to have found it. Not going to lie though: I really wanted that house.
--I just want a space of my own. Mine. To paint. I would like a green kitchen, with clear dishes. And a china blue bedroom, with a wall to draw on. And a red living room, with a leather overstuffed couch. And a yellow bathroom, with white porcelain everything.
--I'm at the age when other people my age that I know start getting married. I won't lie and say that being single is wonderful, because it's not. But it's enjoyable. And flexible, I suppose. Lets you do things you couldn't do otherwise. (I say this, but don't really know what those things are. Enlighten me. Because people say it all the time and I always wonder.)
--I would like to live in a perpetual state of Summer. (Don't worry, it's just Winter getting to me right now.)
--I often worry that I will never do something amazing. I just want to do one amazing thing. Something that will make people say, "Wow, that is truly amazing." And mean it. Just one thing.
--Yellow: mustard yellow, $4 scarf, flats that give me blisters, disease, The Yellow Wallpaper, macaroni, Mizzou gold, the sun, pollen that stained my favorite shirt, tie-dying something in shades of yellow could turn out nicely, would yellow still look good on me if I dyed my hair red,?
--Piercing or tattoo? The ever-cyclical question.
--Birds. Owls.
--Sleep.

Thursday!

Things I LOVE about today:

-Rolling out of bed and going to class...perhaps in what I slept in? :) I threw a hoodie over it...
-Getting back from my 8am at 9:15, washing, drying, styling hair and still getting to my 10:00 on time
-Getting out of econ early
-THE WEATHER
-Going to sign up for the rockband tournament with G-Bangs
-Getting to see the "bowels" of Plaza as we were signing up. It was magical.
-Sitting in a booth at lunch
-Coloring on the table at lunch (They had crayons and paper! Like Macaroni Grill!)
-Push-up pops at lunch
-Walking through white campus with Katie
-Exploring the mini farmer's market on Lowry Mall
-THE WEATHER
-Honey Ice cream
-Friend/Aquaintance counting on Lowry
-Finding out about a SMOOTHIE PLACE on campus...
-...leading to a spontaneous adventure with Allison to GET a smoothie!
-Seeing a wonderful sculpture in the Life Sciences building, and recognizing a microscope slide on it as chlorophyll (I DID pay attention in Biology!)
-Applying for a fun new job in HRM
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXk_KVNfInU
-Opening my windows and letting THE WEATHER in
-New Jason Castro single on iTunes :)
-Spontaneous dance parties
-Editing a HILARIOUS video of my wonderful sister
-Being reminded that God is the Bread of Life, and my only satisfaction.
-Sparky's after RUF
-Good conversations and walking all the way home from Sparky's.
-Realizing that GOD sent me this wonderful day as a way to remind me of how WONDERFUL He is to me!

Oh, did I mention the weather? :)

Je le savais.

('I knew it', for those of you who don't read French.)

I knew it. I didn't stick to my once-a-week resolution for blogging. Ah, well, c'est la vie.
So school has started and is about in full swing now...it's only been two weeks and I felt like Labor Day Long Weekend was not enough time to recover from the flurry that is my life now. Balancing 15 hours of class and 20 hours of work per week, plus a few other extra activities is proving to be a welcome challenge. I'm seeing a lot more of people around campus this semester, which is nice. I've also committed myself to be going to The Crossing this year (the church I 'flirted' with last school year), and I'm finding comfort in deciding to be settled. Last year was so full of questions and new things, it's nice to settle down and have some constants in my life.
Hmm...last year.
To be completely honest, I slacked off quite a bit in my relationship with Christ last year. Reason? Meh, there were many. One of them was a lack of motivation: this is something that I struggle with in many areas of my life...school, accomplishments, relationships at times; my parents joke that I'm the "content one" who's just fine with how she is and sees no room to change anything, which is true. I'd like to tell myself it's not a selfish thing, but a personality thing, but that would just be lying to myself. I wasn't motivated to find a ride to church every Sunday, I wasn't motivated to read the Word, I wasn't motivated to be personal with Christ. I still struggle with this motivation, but now I've at least identified the problem. I think last year I also made a lot of excuses. "Oh, I'm new here" or "I'll get to it once I've settled in" or "My life is so unfamiliar right now" were common phrases in my conversations with God and myself last year, and it's high time I toss those out. It's time for me to stop making excuses and start making decisions.
Another reason I slacked off last year was distraction. My new life as a semi-independant college student on my own was so sparkly and new to me that it drew my eyes away from the beauty of Christ. Sure, I acknowledged Christ for being involved in my life, but was I focused on Him? No. Not in the least. My devotions were divided amongst so many things: friends, worries, schoolwork. Looking back, my life had just a general lack of the Beauty that comes from Christ. My year was spent worrying and fretting over things that just didn't belong in the high priority spots that I had placed them in. My loyalty was split into a thousand different pieces. Recently I heard someone use the term "pre-Fall integrity". One of the definitions of integrity is "the state of being whole and undivided". I want to be restored to that pre-Fall integrity; focused solely on Christ. I've always loved the phrase "having eyes for someone"; the thought of someone being so captivated by the beauty or uniqueness of someone or something that their eyes see only them. I want to have eyes for only Christ, instead of being split up into a million pieces and directions.
Goal: Refocus, stay focused.
The best part? Unlike myself, God has focused His love on me, and that love stays focused. I wish I could express it more eloquently, because that truth deserves more eloquence than I can give it.

Four Words: integrity, chaos, focus, comittment.

Summer in the City

Oh, look at that, Summer's almost over.
Honestly, I don't know where it went. And guess what? now I only have two Summers left. Just two. And then I'll be an adult, and they don't GET summers. I think I used this one to its fullest potential, work-wise, that is. Working 35-40 hours a week gives you a whole different perspective on what they like to call "Time Management" (or lack thereof). But the funny thing is, I didn't really see my jobs as work. They were more like...happy fun time that I was using productively. It sounds stupid, but really, I have great relationships with the people I work with, and it's fun just using that time to build those relationships, and be productive at the same time. Okay, list time:
Coldstone: Gosh, do I love that place to death. Never did I think that when I started that job the summer before my senior year of high school, that I would still be working there as a sophmore in college. I have the best bosses in the world, and (for the most part) great co-workers. I'm on the older end of the bunch, but it's still a ton of fun. Having that to come back to whenever I want is a huge blessing.
NCCKids: This was the second summer I've worked for NCCKids, and it was even better than last summer. I mean, I get paid to plan VBS. And it counts as an internship for my HRM major. While I don't get to have too many direct interactions with the kids, just serving them and their parents is a great opportunity for me to serve the church, and fund my education. This year brought some big changes in the way we do VBS overall, and it was a big success. Rome: Paul and the Underground Church was our theme, and every day the kids got to spend time in a "real" Roman marketplace. All of the shopkeepers had different characters, some were christians, some were polytheists, some were atheists. By Day Two I was already hearing kids sharing the Gospel with the "non-christian" shopkeepers. Let me tell you: it is such an awesome priviledge to hear a 7 year old sharing the gospel, and hearing their excitement at the end of the week when one of the shopkeepers became a christian. Out of all the years that I've been involved in VBS (8 years, I think?), I think this year was the first time that I've seen kids get so passionate about the Gospel themselves, not just letting it go in one ear and out the other. The 80+ VBS workers and myself got to witness something very special this summer.
Family: OH, the Fam. It was good being home with them. Especially the sisters. I think being home for 2.5 months was a good amount of time for me. Sharing a room with Sister #2 was...an experience. I'd like to think that we're both better people for it. And a last minute, unexpected (for me anyways) trip to Florida the week before school was a HUGE blessing (I had lots of those this summer, if you didn't catch that by now). Spending time just being with them was a much needed break. I needed a break from Summer break. So yes, the Fam was great, and always will be.
Other experiences: Hmmm, I house-sat alot. I mean, a LOT. Probably 4 weeks of the summer was spent housesitting. Good times. It did make me feel like I spent the summer living out of a suitcase though. Some of them never really got all the way unpacked either...
I got to go on the summer retreat with the middle schoolers at church at the beginning of June as a last-minute leader. One of the big things I missed about home while I was at school was working with the middle schoolers. They bring so much joy into my life, and being able to be with them for a weekend brought some of that joy back. I had an awesome small group that weekend, I love those girls so much! They were my Joy-Boost from God all summer.
Made it back to Columbia a few times, mostly for job searching. My efforts were rewarded with a kick-A job at the Tiger Team Store, selling football merch and whatnot. I think it's going to be pretty great. It's already given me a textbook scholarship (WHAT?!?!?) that took away alot of the pain and anguish that comes from buying textbooks; so thanks, God! Sunday evenings were spent with the Zou Crew (and a few extras we picked up) at Starbucks reading through Psalms and just being together. I have such awesome friends. I don't know what I would do without them.

So, there's my summer. It was a great time. Grew alot, drove alot, worked alot. Instead of it feeling like it's coming to an end, I feel like it's shooting me into the school year with motivation. We'll see how longs that lasts.

Summer in Four Words: Productive, Joyful, Chaotic, Fulfilling

*Shrug and sheepish grin*

I'm back. Maybe I'm just not as thoughtful during the summer. Maybe it's the halls of education that gets my mind flowing and keeps the blog posts plentiful...okay, judging by last school year's random postings, maybe not. However, I'm really going to try this year. I was encouraged by a friend to journal once a week. I'm not too into writing in journals, so I'm doing it blog-style. I'm not going to try to live up to some "blogger standard", I'm not going to try to sound smart, intellectual, spiritual, or emotional, I'm just going to write what comes, and when it comes (as long as it's once a week). If you catch me lagging behind, call me out on it. Lord knows I always need more accountability in my life. Okay? Okay. Let's do this.

Oh Blog, it's been so long.

Wow, haven't been here in a while. Sorry blog. And sorry to the two people that read this blog. :)
Let's see...what has happened since the last time I was here...in FEBRUARY!
I...
...officially changed majors (HRM here I come!)
...secured two jobs for the summer (thanks God!)
...changed the spelling of my name (get used to it, it's stayin' that way)
...had an awesome adventure in Chicago over Spring Break with Madeline

...

That's it. I've basically just been working my butt off at school and work, so nothing too exciting here. God's been sending some awesome weather in Columbia's direction lately, so I'm really quite thankful for that. Today is the perfect Madi weather: 65 degrees; cloudy, but not too overcast; breezy, but not windy; and just an overall lovely day outside. Good weather is a great encouragement to me, it just kind of gives me hope. I tend to go into hibernation in the winter: physically, emotionally...it's nice to come out and see the sun. One of the other things I've been appreciating lately are the little landscaping elves on the MU campus here. All of a sudden, there are all these beautiful flowers everywhere! I have never seen so many vibrant colors of tulips as there are on the walkway outside the A&S building. I just can't help but stare out the window at them during class! And right behind Memorial are these deliciously magenta azalea bushes. Paired with the lush green grass and blooming trees, it is absolutely gorgeous here. I know everyone says it all the time, but Creation is just so amazingly beautiful, I really can't help just looking up at God and smiling. People see my on campus and probably think I'm a bit strange, but I really just can't help but be in wonderment. I feel like it's God's gift to me, just to give me a little push through the end of the school year; like He's saying, "It's okay, you can do this. Look, I'm here. I'll show you. Look at all these awesome things I created. I've got them, and I've got you too."
So, thanks God, for the awesome weather and all the wonderful things You created.

2/26, 11:15pm.

At RUF this semester, we've been going through Exodus and seeing how God worked through Moses to bring His people out of Egypt, pairing it with a comparison between us as Christians and the Israelites. God sent Moses to the people of Israel numerous times, and they just wouldn't listen to him because of their despair and disbelief. Moses got tired of going to the unbelieving Israelites and told God that he just couldn't do it. Rather than give Moses a long explanation, God simply told Moses,

"Just go, and see what I will do."

Just go. How many times, when I get discouraged, do I just stop trying and start complaining to God? Why is it so easy for me to forget that God is weaving out His plan in my life, right now? I've been despairing this week. I don't have a plan, I don't know what I want, and I don't like any of it. Tonight, it was just like God took my chin in his hand, turned my face towards His, looked me straight in the eye and said, "Just go. See what I will do."
Okay Lord, I'm going.

Things I Like About Today

- Sleeping 7.5 hours last night
- Waking Gretchen up with a phone call
- Impromptu mother/daughter phone date
- Getting a B+ on my French test
- Burrito Day at Plaza
- Seeing Katie Moe on campus (for the first time this semester! BIIIG fun!)
- Getting an A- on my Brit Lit paper
- Sending in my application for Summer Job #2
- Apple Juice Cocktails
- Being caught up on homework
- Gorgeous weather (for the first half of the day)
- Having a good attitude about work
- Getting my pedestrian count check in the mail
- New Matt Wertz CD
- Getting to see Madsey in two days!
- Playing Facebook Scrabble

Haikus for a Dead Pigeon

1.
Dead bird on pavement
Everyone stops to stare
Feathers swirl around.

2.
Gretchen pulls out cell
Maddie, shell-shocked, stares at bird
Potential earrings.

3.
Students gawk at bird
Courtyard covered with feathers
Another one down.

Cliche' Topics and Worrysome Freshmen.

Alright. I've been in college for 5-ish months now. I've picked up on a few cliche' questions/topics that occur quite often in conversations:

Topic #1:
- So, what's your major?
Maddie: I'm an English major.
- Oh, so do you want to teach?
Maddie: No. Absolutely not.
- So you don't know what you want to do once you graduate?
Maddie: No. Not really.

Topic #2:
Person A: I started out with this major, and I thought it's what I wanted to do, but now I'm not so sure. I'm not really into it anymore, and I'm thinking about going into this major, but I just don't know. I just want to get a good job right out of college, doing what I love and making money. (This is a paraphrase of the conversation, but you get the main idea)

Topic #3:
I just don't know if I should stay at this school, or go to a different one. I like it here and it's a good school, but I could be doing something different somewhere else.

Topic #4: Oh, you're just a freshman. You don't need to figure out your life right this instant. You have time.

Alright. Here's my dilemma: On the one hand, it's true. I am a freshman. I just started college and really am just working on getting the basics out of the way. It's a new season in life and I'm still adjusting. However, freshman year will be over pretty soon (probably sooner than I realize) and I'll be a sophmore. I'll know how things work around here, and will be getting into more major-specific classes. I'll need to begin thinking about if I'm good with the major I'm in. Soon after that, I'll be into my junior year, and oh look at that, I'm halfway done with my college career. I'd better have an idea of what I want to be doing, and know that what I'm doing is what I want to be doing, if I want to graduate in four years. There: in 5 sentences I've gotten almost all the way to my senior year. All too soon, I'll have made it to graduation day, and, in an ideal world, I'll be graduating with a degree I can use and have a great job lined up.
In an ideal world, that is.
The truth is, this probably won't happen. From what I've observed, most students change their majors at least once, if not twice or three times, and graduate with a degree that is not directly related to what they end up doing for a living. Now true, there are many exceptions, but this is what I've generally observed. Right now, I'm an English major. It sounded like a great thing to start off with, and I'm happy with it so far. However, slowly, but surely, little bits of doubt have begun to creep into my mind about whether it's what I should be doing. When I tell people I don't want to teach with my English degree, 99% of the time I get some form of "Oh. Well I'm not sure what else you can do with an English degree, but I'm sure you'll find something." Well gee thanks people, way to be encouraging. Why, oh WHY are people SO focused on doing something that will guarantee them a job? I realize the state of the economy at this point in time is not the greatest, and I also realize that jobs are getting harder and harder to find. I realize that we all need to be proactive about planning ahead for our lives. However, what ever happened to being passionate about your major? I see so many freshmen who are SO focused on choosing a major that will guarantee them a great job right when they get out of college. I hate to break it to you people, but that major is almost impossible to find. Everyone has to work hard to find the 'ideal job', and I'm almost positive you don't find it right out of college. Maybe some people do, but most don't. You have to work at it, that's why it's called WORK.
Do I love my English major? Yes, I do. I love reading and writing about what I read, and even just thinking about it. Would I be happy with an English degree? Well, I think so. Are there other things that I could do that would offer more promising job prospects? Yes, there are. Would I have nearly as much passion for those things as I have for English? Probably not. Alright, enough with the rhetorical questions.
I suppose what I'm getting at is this: How do you balance A) Loving and being passionate about your major, and B) Being proactive about getting your life together and finding a job? The best answer I can come up with right now is Trust. God has a plan. I know we hear this ALL the time, but it is so true. He has a plan, a GREAT plan, that I'm not 100% clear on just yet, but I know it's great. It's God's plan, how could it NOT be great? I figure the best I can do right now is to love what I'm doing, be content AND joyful about where God's put me right now, and trust that His plan will unfold how and when He wants it to. That's all I could really ask for.
SO.
If you're reading this, and even in the slightest bit agreeing with, or at least identifying with, what I'm saying, here's some advice:

Stop worrying about your life. Love the passions God has given you, run with those passions, and let God do the rest. He will do the rest, He promised He would. God is Sovereign over the economy, He's Sovereign over your college career, and He loves you. He wants what's best for you, and He'll see that it happens.

I'm Still Here!

Yeah....so I haven't posted for a while. I've been busy--work, school, LIFE in general; it's time consuming! I'm working on something longer, but for now, here's what is keeping me motivated:
This Week: SIAW! Yes, I'm going home to the Lou for Shakespeare in a Week. It's going to be bittersweet, but I'm very excited. It just occurred to me that this will be the first SIAW performance that I will actually get to see from the audience. I can't WAIT!
This Month: Is almost over. WOW. Where did January go?! I have no idea. 2009 started pretty abruptly. I think I'm liking it so far.
This Quarter: Spring Break. I'm going on a blitz to Chicago with one of my good friends, and I'm psyched! Chicago is my favorite place in the world to just escape to, and I'm in dire need of a change of scene.
This Semester: Summer! Warm weather! Please, Dear God, bring me warm weather! I can guarantee you that I will never live in a northern, aka COLD climate. I am a child of spring. Take me somewhere warm to thaw please.
This Year: Is my last year of being a teenager! I'm going to live it UP. Plus, 9 is my favorite number, so I have a feeling that it's going to be a good year.

I'll be back soon, with something a bit more blog-ish. :)

Oh, the Creativity.

I...have a new favorite hobby. While searching online for various things today, I ran across Polyvore.com. Basically, it's an online collage site. It's fabulous and addicting.


The Birds

This is the image I found that turned me on to the website. I just love this.

Shots of Winter Break 2008

Title: Undecided.

I have no idea what to title this post. I'm sure I'll come up with one by the end.

So...I've finished my first semester of college, and am now getting ready to begin my second. The first was...okay. Someone asked me a few days ago, "So has your college experience so far been everything you wanted it to be?" I had to answer honestly: no. But then again, who gets everything they want? I'm not complaining, it was a great semester. Had a few rough spots, a bit of homesickness, nothing out of the ordinary. I made some great friends, better than I had hoped to make my first semester at college, grew closer to some older ones, and kept up with ones back at home. I have a job, a semi-good GPA, and seem to be settling into Columbia quite well. However, something's been eating at the back of my mind for the last few months, and it's becoming more and more prominent as times goes by.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Absolutely no idea.

For most of my life, I've either wanted to teach or do something with Piano/Music. Well, for various reasons, I've recently ruled out both of those options and am now at Square One. I won't say "back to Square One", because I can't recall a time that I've ever actually been there. I've never really had a standout talent, so this decision isn't going to be an obvious one. I don't have to make this choice for quite some time, but still, it seems like everyone else knows, or at least has an idea of what they'd like to be doing with their lives. It's very disconcerting to not know what I want to be doing with my life. It's also very frustrating when people ask what I want to do with my major, and I have to respond with, "Well, I really have no idea." I've always seen myself as a pretty organized, with it kind of person. I always have a schedule, know what I'm doing and when, and always have a plan. I love getting places early, and I make lists as a hobby. So why oh why do I all of a sudden have NO plan for my life whatsoever?! It kind of scares me. Part of me feels like if I have no idea what I want to do, then why am I wasting thousands of dollars to go to an expensive school? I could sort my life out at home just as easily, and for a whole lot cheaper. The other part of me says that right now I need to embrace independence and try to figure things out. I thought school was where I was supposed to be, where God wanted me. I suppose it is...I've never seriously considered NOT going to college...oh dear. This could really go either way. I think college has been good for me so far. I've always loved school. I don't think I'm quite ready to be done with it yet; it just started getting good. I just feel like I've been stuck in this rut of uncertainty for five months now, and I am SO ready to get out of it.

Hm. I never did come up with a title.

Leaning Into 2009

What a fellowship, what a joy divine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Leaning, leaning,
Safe and secure from all alarms;
Leaning, leaning,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

O how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
O how bright the path grows from day to day,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

What have I to dread, what have I to fear,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Every month, my church picks a "Hymn of the Month"; we do a synopsis of it, learn about the context in which it was written, music composed, bio of the author, etc.. This month's is "Leaning On The Everlasting Arms", written by Elisha A. Hoffman. Hoffman penned the words to this hymn after talking with two of his friends that had lost their spouses in the recent past. I don't know exactly what thoughts were going through his mind, but I can suppose he must have imagined what it would be like to not have someone you were so close to all of a sudden vanish from your life, leaving you with nothing to lean on. I suppose it was from something like this line of thinking that this hymn was written. As the hymn was being discussed during this morning's service, the statement was made that, "The brightest of times are not when everything in your life is going well, but when you are most leaning on Christ." This statement just really struck a chord with me. I know it seems kind of obvious, but when you think about it, it's just so true. Usually at the start of a new year, people think back about the previous one with either regret or satisfaction, remembering good memories, bad experiences, or things they regret. As I looked back at 2008, there really weren't many bad things I could recall, but there weren't really any super amazing ones either. My life was pretty okay: nothing out of the ordinary happened. I graduated, had two great jobs over the summer, and finished my first semester of college. After thinking about it for a while, I realized that there wasn't a lot of Leaning going on in my life. Sure, my life was pretty great, but was I leaning on the Everlasting Arms to make my life even more than it could be? At times, yes, but as a regular way of life? Well...no.

Let's take this metaphor a bit further: Okay, obviously this hymn is talking about the Church leaning on Christ for stability and safety. The church is the bride of Christ. Just like a wife leans on her husband for support, so does the church on her bridegroom, Christ. Now, I'll admit: 80% of the time, I'm not content with my 'relationship status' (to use facebook terms). Aren't we all discontent with that at some point though? It's something I'm constantly working on, failing at, and trying again. As I was listening to this hymn, it occurred to me: How am I supposed to even try to lean on someone else's arms, when I'm not even leaning on the arms that are Everlasting? Even in a marriage, human arms will buckle under the burden of holding someone else up. Those arms can regain their strength, but will constantly fail. The Father's arms are everlasting: they never get tired! They will always support us, regardless of how heavy the burden of sin is. At this point, I'm trusting (or at least trying) that God will bring someone along for me, if that's His plan. Until then, I think His Everlasting Arms are more than enough for me to be leaning on. Even if He does bring someone into my life, those will be a secondary pair of leaning arms, because I will already have Everlasting ones!
It just makes me want to kick myself when I think of all the time I've wasted not leaning, and trying to support myself. Gosh, I've fallen so many times and haven't learned from my mistakes. Hopefully, 2009 will be much different. Some people want to "hit the ground running", but I think I'm going to not hit the ground by Leaning.

Home Again, home again.

I'm finally home! I made it through those last awful days of finals week, although they seemed like they were NEVER going to end. Seriously, I thought I was going to die in my room. I'm very much looking forward to these next five weeks of no school. I don't think I've ever had 5 weeks with no school, except for in the summer. And I'm working too, so I won't feel like a completely unproductive person. It's absolutely wonderful to be here, just chillin' with the sibs. I miss them so much, and I realized it even more once I got home yesterday. This break is going to be wonderful.... :) 

Highlight of Today: I finally got a new pair of jeans! I NEVER can find good jeans...especially on the mega-sale that I got them today! I'm a happy camper. 

Things I Miss

- Summer In STL. More specifically:

- Going to Ethan's baseball games with the fam.

- Walking to Starbucks with the sisters.

- Swings at the Pointe with the sisters.

- Driving with my sunroof open.

- Wearing t-shirts and shorts...

- Working the Stone on a busy night and totally stressing out.

- Going to see movies at the Mall.

- Walking Six Flags all day and only riding one ride...haha. 

- Having a completely free schedule. Besides working 5 days a week.

- Family Barbeques.

- Cardinals Games.

- Getting 50 cent soft serve from McDee's with the sibs. 

- Secret movie nights with the sisters in the basement. 

- Wednesday Night High School Group, and then Wildwood Town Plaza afterwards. 

- Wandering Hollywood Video with Madeline on the phone 

- Chilling at Starbucks between jobs. 

Things in General:  

- Being able to go and annoy Lianna in her room any time I want, and knowing that even though she complains, she totally lets me bug her all I want. 

- Talking to Mom at the end of the day. 

- My room. The wonderful, cave-like dwelling that it was. It was really a hippie cave. 

- Driving 109 with my eyes closed. Well, not really closed. 

- Walking the driveway at WCS. 

- That wonderful, warm, summery smell in the middle of May. 

- Sitting in my living room at home, with all the windows open in the summer, and a light breeze blowing through the entire house. 

- Lorelai/Rory talk with Madeline. In person. It's better in person. 

- Dancing around my house when no one's home. 

- My puppy. 

- Hugging Alena. She gives good hugs. 

- Watching SNL with my dad. 

- That crazy time between 4 and 6 at my house. 

And so many more things........

Dear Madsey,

Thank you SO much for my blog letter! I loved it. I feel quite special to have my very own post on your blog. 

It is quite rainy and cold here, and it actually snowed earlier! The flakes were quite pretty actually, and there's just a light dusting on the ground. So...I guess the snow is coming your way! Enjoy! My early christmas present to you....haha, no. :)

I am SO psyched for christmas break--you have NO idea. It's been quite the ordeal this semester, having to adjust to not seeing you every day. But, I think we're handling it quite nicely, seeing as we probably talk more than we did before. Haha, that is a good thing. I concur with your idea about pushing our artistic boundaries over break; why don't we make PAINT angels?! Instead of snow angels. See, I can be a gutsy artist....well, maybe we should just do angels with our feet. Or hands. Well, can't say I didn't try. I also agree that there needs to be snuggling. And movies. I think we've named several so far...here's what I think we've come up with:

- The X-Men Trilogy

- Bride Wars

- Have we watched Juno together recently? We need to. 

- I can't remember...but there were more. 

So yeah. Break's gonna be great. AND I get to see you thursday at the Formal! What a lucky person I am. 

Okay, well, you need to get back to your Annotated Bibliography. Do well on your finals, and I'll see you in two days!

Love ya Babe! (muahaha.)

Hmmm...

To be honest, the creative juices haven't been flowing enough to produce a blog post lately. My creativity comes in spurts--I haven't quite figured out what the source of my inspiration is. I have a feeling it's the same thing every time, I just don't know what it is. I do know one thing though: I spend too much time by myself. I have WAYYY to much time to just think, something I haven't had time for until coming to college. I do know one thing: I think my inspiration is linked to people. Not quite sure how, but I just have a hunch. Maybe I should post an "Inspiration Wanted" ad. It's kind of like a help wanted. Inspiration, I think, is the 3rd cousin of help. Similar, but distantly so. 

Well, I'm off to find my inspiration. I'll be back once I find it. 

High School: Revisited.

Location: Wildwood Starbucks--one of my secondary homes through High School.

Currently Listening To: John Legend--something that was constantly playing through my stereo in High School.

Currently Drinking: A Grande Extra Hot Vanilla Latte. My life blood. Drank it in High School, drink it in college. 

Current Emotion: Nostalgia. Slash nervousness. Slash excitement. 

I drove my siblings to school (Wildwood) this morning...it was really strange, not getting out of the car, hoisting a massive backpack onto my back and trudging up to those double doors for another long day. No walking in to a partly empty building, watching everyone come in half asleep. No first period study hall or half sleeping through the first class. Instead, I just dropped them off and drove away. Weird, man. I'm currently camped out at Starbucks, since there's really nothing to do at home, seeing as the adopted family members are still homeschooling this week, at least for today and tomorrow. It's been nice, just reading my fluff literature my mom picked up for me and people watching. I've been used to the MU Starbucks for the past few months, so it's weird coming in here and experiencing an entirely different demographic--adults, for the most part. :) I have so many great memories at this Starbucks...and the Coldstone that's right across from it...ahhh, this is where I spent most of my high school years, at least the ones where I could drive. I'm actually getting ready to go visit WCS at lunch (since apparently any other time we, and by we I mean alumni, are a distraction. Go figure, we go from being students to distractions...whether this is an upgrade or a downgrade is yet to be determined. I'm a bit nervous--this is the first time I will have set foot in that building since Baccalaureate. I have SO many memories in that building...and after Graduation, I just kind of left them all there. So yes, they're waiting for me...lurking...haunting...just kidding. Most of them are pleasant. Yes, there are some rather painful ones, but who doesn't have painful memories from High School? I think the thing that I'm grappling with is the change factor--yes, there are mostly people there who've been there in past years, but there are also new students. New teachers. New memories being made. It isn't really "my" school anymore--Mizzou has filled that position. It's "my High School". Saying that makes me feel so old. And yet, at Mizzou I feel so young. It's a strange position to be in, that of a college freshman. I can't wait to see all those girls who were like my little sisters during my senior year, and yeah, I suppose I missed some guys too. I miss the feeling of being a "big sister" at school...both to my biological and spiritual families. The school is going to be going through some pretty major changes in the very near future, and so this school year may be the only time I can go visit it and have it still be mostly the same. I am an individual who is VERY resistant to change, of any kind. It takes me a very long time to get used to new things, new situations, new people. I'm at a very "in-between" point of my life right now, and so nothing really is settled. But I'm content...I think. :)

So, I'm going to take those last sips of my latte, finish my book, get in my car, and drive down that route that I could drive with my eyes closed, and go to Wildwood. And it's going to be great.