Title: Undecided.

I have no idea what to title this post. I'm sure I'll come up with one by the end.

So...I've finished my first semester of college, and am now getting ready to begin my second. The first was...okay. Someone asked me a few days ago, "So has your college experience so far been everything you wanted it to be?" I had to answer honestly: no. But then again, who gets everything they want? I'm not complaining, it was a great semester. Had a few rough spots, a bit of homesickness, nothing out of the ordinary. I made some great friends, better than I had hoped to make my first semester at college, grew closer to some older ones, and kept up with ones back at home. I have a job, a semi-good GPA, and seem to be settling into Columbia quite well. However, something's been eating at the back of my mind for the last few months, and it's becoming more and more prominent as times goes by.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Absolutely no idea.

For most of my life, I've either wanted to teach or do something with Piano/Music. Well, for various reasons, I've recently ruled out both of those options and am now at Square One. I won't say "back to Square One", because I can't recall a time that I've ever actually been there. I've never really had a standout talent, so this decision isn't going to be an obvious one. I don't have to make this choice for quite some time, but still, it seems like everyone else knows, or at least has an idea of what they'd like to be doing with their lives. It's very disconcerting to not know what I want to be doing with my life. It's also very frustrating when people ask what I want to do with my major, and I have to respond with, "Well, I really have no idea." I've always seen myself as a pretty organized, with it kind of person. I always have a schedule, know what I'm doing and when, and always have a plan. I love getting places early, and I make lists as a hobby. So why oh why do I all of a sudden have NO plan for my life whatsoever?! It kind of scares me. Part of me feels like if I have no idea what I want to do, then why am I wasting thousands of dollars to go to an expensive school? I could sort my life out at home just as easily, and for a whole lot cheaper. The other part of me says that right now I need to embrace independence and try to figure things out. I thought school was where I was supposed to be, where God wanted me. I suppose it is...I've never seriously considered NOT going to college...oh dear. This could really go either way. I think college has been good for me so far. I've always loved school. I don't think I'm quite ready to be done with it yet; it just started getting good. I just feel like I've been stuck in this rut of uncertainty for five months now, and I am SO ready to get out of it.

Hm. I never did come up with a title.