I'm Still Here!

Yeah....so I haven't posted for a while. I've been busy--work, school, LIFE in general; it's time consuming! I'm working on something longer, but for now, here's what is keeping me motivated:
This Week: SIAW! Yes, I'm going home to the Lou for Shakespeare in a Week. It's going to be bittersweet, but I'm very excited. It just occurred to me that this will be the first SIAW performance that I will actually get to see from the audience. I can't WAIT!
This Month: Is almost over. WOW. Where did January go?! I have no idea. 2009 started pretty abruptly. I think I'm liking it so far.
This Quarter: Spring Break. I'm going on a blitz to Chicago with one of my good friends, and I'm psyched! Chicago is my favorite place in the world to just escape to, and I'm in dire need of a change of scene.
This Semester: Summer! Warm weather! Please, Dear God, bring me warm weather! I can guarantee you that I will never live in a northern, aka COLD climate. I am a child of spring. Take me somewhere warm to thaw please.
This Year: Is my last year of being a teenager! I'm going to live it UP. Plus, 9 is my favorite number, so I have a feeling that it's going to be a good year.

I'll be back soon, with something a bit more blog-ish. :)

Oh, the Creativity.

I...have a new favorite hobby. While searching online for various things today, I ran across Polyvore.com. Basically, it's an online collage site. It's fabulous and addicting.


The Birds

This is the image I found that turned me on to the website. I just love this.

Shots of Winter Break 2008

Title: Undecided.

I have no idea what to title this post. I'm sure I'll come up with one by the end.

So...I've finished my first semester of college, and am now getting ready to begin my second. The first was...okay. Someone asked me a few days ago, "So has your college experience so far been everything you wanted it to be?" I had to answer honestly: no. But then again, who gets everything they want? I'm not complaining, it was a great semester. Had a few rough spots, a bit of homesickness, nothing out of the ordinary. I made some great friends, better than I had hoped to make my first semester at college, grew closer to some older ones, and kept up with ones back at home. I have a job, a semi-good GPA, and seem to be settling into Columbia quite well. However, something's been eating at the back of my mind for the last few months, and it's becoming more and more prominent as times goes by.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Absolutely no idea.

For most of my life, I've either wanted to teach or do something with Piano/Music. Well, for various reasons, I've recently ruled out both of those options and am now at Square One. I won't say "back to Square One", because I can't recall a time that I've ever actually been there. I've never really had a standout talent, so this decision isn't going to be an obvious one. I don't have to make this choice for quite some time, but still, it seems like everyone else knows, or at least has an idea of what they'd like to be doing with their lives. It's very disconcerting to not know what I want to be doing with my life. It's also very frustrating when people ask what I want to do with my major, and I have to respond with, "Well, I really have no idea." I've always seen myself as a pretty organized, with it kind of person. I always have a schedule, know what I'm doing and when, and always have a plan. I love getting places early, and I make lists as a hobby. So why oh why do I all of a sudden have NO plan for my life whatsoever?! It kind of scares me. Part of me feels like if I have no idea what I want to do, then why am I wasting thousands of dollars to go to an expensive school? I could sort my life out at home just as easily, and for a whole lot cheaper. The other part of me says that right now I need to embrace independence and try to figure things out. I thought school was where I was supposed to be, where God wanted me. I suppose it is...I've never seriously considered NOT going to college...oh dear. This could really go either way. I think college has been good for me so far. I've always loved school. I don't think I'm quite ready to be done with it yet; it just started getting good. I just feel like I've been stuck in this rut of uncertainty for five months now, and I am SO ready to get out of it.

Hm. I never did come up with a title.

Leaning Into 2009

What a fellowship, what a joy divine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Leaning, leaning,
Safe and secure from all alarms;
Leaning, leaning,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

O how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
O how bright the path grows from day to day,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

What have I to dread, what have I to fear,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Every month, my church picks a "Hymn of the Month"; we do a synopsis of it, learn about the context in which it was written, music composed, bio of the author, etc.. This month's is "Leaning On The Everlasting Arms", written by Elisha A. Hoffman. Hoffman penned the words to this hymn after talking with two of his friends that had lost their spouses in the recent past. I don't know exactly what thoughts were going through his mind, but I can suppose he must have imagined what it would be like to not have someone you were so close to all of a sudden vanish from your life, leaving you with nothing to lean on. I suppose it was from something like this line of thinking that this hymn was written. As the hymn was being discussed during this morning's service, the statement was made that, "The brightest of times are not when everything in your life is going well, but when you are most leaning on Christ." This statement just really struck a chord with me. I know it seems kind of obvious, but when you think about it, it's just so true. Usually at the start of a new year, people think back about the previous one with either regret or satisfaction, remembering good memories, bad experiences, or things they regret. As I looked back at 2008, there really weren't many bad things I could recall, but there weren't really any super amazing ones either. My life was pretty okay: nothing out of the ordinary happened. I graduated, had two great jobs over the summer, and finished my first semester of college. After thinking about it for a while, I realized that there wasn't a lot of Leaning going on in my life. Sure, my life was pretty great, but was I leaning on the Everlasting Arms to make my life even more than it could be? At times, yes, but as a regular way of life? Well...no.

Let's take this metaphor a bit further: Okay, obviously this hymn is talking about the Church leaning on Christ for stability and safety. The church is the bride of Christ. Just like a wife leans on her husband for support, so does the church on her bridegroom, Christ. Now, I'll admit: 80% of the time, I'm not content with my 'relationship status' (to use facebook terms). Aren't we all discontent with that at some point though? It's something I'm constantly working on, failing at, and trying again. As I was listening to this hymn, it occurred to me: How am I supposed to even try to lean on someone else's arms, when I'm not even leaning on the arms that are Everlasting? Even in a marriage, human arms will buckle under the burden of holding someone else up. Those arms can regain their strength, but will constantly fail. The Father's arms are everlasting: they never get tired! They will always support us, regardless of how heavy the burden of sin is. At this point, I'm trusting (or at least trying) that God will bring someone along for me, if that's His plan. Until then, I think His Everlasting Arms are more than enough for me to be leaning on. Even if He does bring someone into my life, those will be a secondary pair of leaning arms, because I will already have Everlasting ones!
It just makes me want to kick myself when I think of all the time I've wasted not leaning, and trying to support myself. Gosh, I've fallen so many times and haven't learned from my mistakes. Hopefully, 2009 will be much different. Some people want to "hit the ground running", but I think I'm going to not hit the ground by Leaning.