Je le savais.

('I knew it', for those of you who don't read French.)

I knew it. I didn't stick to my once-a-week resolution for blogging. Ah, well, c'est la vie.
So school has started and is about in full swing now...it's only been two weeks and I felt like Labor Day Long Weekend was not enough time to recover from the flurry that is my life now. Balancing 15 hours of class and 20 hours of work per week, plus a few other extra activities is proving to be a welcome challenge. I'm seeing a lot more of people around campus this semester, which is nice. I've also committed myself to be going to The Crossing this year (the church I 'flirted' with last school year), and I'm finding comfort in deciding to be settled. Last year was so full of questions and new things, it's nice to settle down and have some constants in my life.
Hmm...last year.
To be completely honest, I slacked off quite a bit in my relationship with Christ last year. Reason? Meh, there were many. One of them was a lack of motivation: this is something that I struggle with in many areas of my life...school, accomplishments, relationships at times; my parents joke that I'm the "content one" who's just fine with how she is and sees no room to change anything, which is true. I'd like to tell myself it's not a selfish thing, but a personality thing, but that would just be lying to myself. I wasn't motivated to find a ride to church every Sunday, I wasn't motivated to read the Word, I wasn't motivated to be personal with Christ. I still struggle with this motivation, but now I've at least identified the problem. I think last year I also made a lot of excuses. "Oh, I'm new here" or "I'll get to it once I've settled in" or "My life is so unfamiliar right now" were common phrases in my conversations with God and myself last year, and it's high time I toss those out. It's time for me to stop making excuses and start making decisions.
Another reason I slacked off last year was distraction. My new life as a semi-independant college student on my own was so sparkly and new to me that it drew my eyes away from the beauty of Christ. Sure, I acknowledged Christ for being involved in my life, but was I focused on Him? No. Not in the least. My devotions were divided amongst so many things: friends, worries, schoolwork. Looking back, my life had just a general lack of the Beauty that comes from Christ. My year was spent worrying and fretting over things that just didn't belong in the high priority spots that I had placed them in. My loyalty was split into a thousand different pieces. Recently I heard someone use the term "pre-Fall integrity". One of the definitions of integrity is "the state of being whole and undivided". I want to be restored to that pre-Fall integrity; focused solely on Christ. I've always loved the phrase "having eyes for someone"; the thought of someone being so captivated by the beauty or uniqueness of someone or something that their eyes see only them. I want to have eyes for only Christ, instead of being split up into a million pieces and directions.
Goal: Refocus, stay focused.
The best part? Unlike myself, God has focused His love on me, and that love stays focused. I wish I could express it more eloquently, because that truth deserves more eloquence than I can give it.

Four Words: integrity, chaos, focus, comittment.