Haikus for a Dead Pigeon

1.
Dead bird on pavement
Everyone stops to stare
Feathers swirl around.

2.
Gretchen pulls out cell
Maddie, shell-shocked, stares at bird
Potential earrings.

3.
Students gawk at bird
Courtyard covered with feathers
Another one down.

Cliche' Topics and Worrysome Freshmen.

Alright. I've been in college for 5-ish months now. I've picked up on a few cliche' questions/topics that occur quite often in conversations:

Topic #1:
- So, what's your major?
Maddie: I'm an English major.
- Oh, so do you want to teach?
Maddie: No. Absolutely not.
- So you don't know what you want to do once you graduate?
Maddie: No. Not really.

Topic #2:
Person A: I started out with this major, and I thought it's what I wanted to do, but now I'm not so sure. I'm not really into it anymore, and I'm thinking about going into this major, but I just don't know. I just want to get a good job right out of college, doing what I love and making money. (This is a paraphrase of the conversation, but you get the main idea)

Topic #3:
I just don't know if I should stay at this school, or go to a different one. I like it here and it's a good school, but I could be doing something different somewhere else.

Topic #4: Oh, you're just a freshman. You don't need to figure out your life right this instant. You have time.

Alright. Here's my dilemma: On the one hand, it's true. I am a freshman. I just started college and really am just working on getting the basics out of the way. It's a new season in life and I'm still adjusting. However, freshman year will be over pretty soon (probably sooner than I realize) and I'll be a sophmore. I'll know how things work around here, and will be getting into more major-specific classes. I'll need to begin thinking about if I'm good with the major I'm in. Soon after that, I'll be into my junior year, and oh look at that, I'm halfway done with my college career. I'd better have an idea of what I want to be doing, and know that what I'm doing is what I want to be doing, if I want to graduate in four years. There: in 5 sentences I've gotten almost all the way to my senior year. All too soon, I'll have made it to graduation day, and, in an ideal world, I'll be graduating with a degree I can use and have a great job lined up.
In an ideal world, that is.
The truth is, this probably won't happen. From what I've observed, most students change their majors at least once, if not twice or three times, and graduate with a degree that is not directly related to what they end up doing for a living. Now true, there are many exceptions, but this is what I've generally observed. Right now, I'm an English major. It sounded like a great thing to start off with, and I'm happy with it so far. However, slowly, but surely, little bits of doubt have begun to creep into my mind about whether it's what I should be doing. When I tell people I don't want to teach with my English degree, 99% of the time I get some form of "Oh. Well I'm not sure what else you can do with an English degree, but I'm sure you'll find something." Well gee thanks people, way to be encouraging. Why, oh WHY are people SO focused on doing something that will guarantee them a job? I realize the state of the economy at this point in time is not the greatest, and I also realize that jobs are getting harder and harder to find. I realize that we all need to be proactive about planning ahead for our lives. However, what ever happened to being passionate about your major? I see so many freshmen who are SO focused on choosing a major that will guarantee them a great job right when they get out of college. I hate to break it to you people, but that major is almost impossible to find. Everyone has to work hard to find the 'ideal job', and I'm almost positive you don't find it right out of college. Maybe some people do, but most don't. You have to work at it, that's why it's called WORK.
Do I love my English major? Yes, I do. I love reading and writing about what I read, and even just thinking about it. Would I be happy with an English degree? Well, I think so. Are there other things that I could do that would offer more promising job prospects? Yes, there are. Would I have nearly as much passion for those things as I have for English? Probably not. Alright, enough with the rhetorical questions.
I suppose what I'm getting at is this: How do you balance A) Loving and being passionate about your major, and B) Being proactive about getting your life together and finding a job? The best answer I can come up with right now is Trust. God has a plan. I know we hear this ALL the time, but it is so true. He has a plan, a GREAT plan, that I'm not 100% clear on just yet, but I know it's great. It's God's plan, how could it NOT be great? I figure the best I can do right now is to love what I'm doing, be content AND joyful about where God's put me right now, and trust that His plan will unfold how and when He wants it to. That's all I could really ask for.
SO.
If you're reading this, and even in the slightest bit agreeing with, or at least identifying with, what I'm saying, here's some advice:

Stop worrying about your life. Love the passions God has given you, run with those passions, and let God do the rest. He will do the rest, He promised He would. God is Sovereign over the economy, He's Sovereign over your college career, and He loves you. He wants what's best for you, and He'll see that it happens.

I'm Still Here!

Yeah....so I haven't posted for a while. I've been busy--work, school, LIFE in general; it's time consuming! I'm working on something longer, but for now, here's what is keeping me motivated:
This Week: SIAW! Yes, I'm going home to the Lou for Shakespeare in a Week. It's going to be bittersweet, but I'm very excited. It just occurred to me that this will be the first SIAW performance that I will actually get to see from the audience. I can't WAIT!
This Month: Is almost over. WOW. Where did January go?! I have no idea. 2009 started pretty abruptly. I think I'm liking it so far.
This Quarter: Spring Break. I'm going on a blitz to Chicago with one of my good friends, and I'm psyched! Chicago is my favorite place in the world to just escape to, and I'm in dire need of a change of scene.
This Semester: Summer! Warm weather! Please, Dear God, bring me warm weather! I can guarantee you that I will never live in a northern, aka COLD climate. I am a child of spring. Take me somewhere warm to thaw please.
This Year: Is my last year of being a teenager! I'm going to live it UP. Plus, 9 is my favorite number, so I have a feeling that it's going to be a good year.

I'll be back soon, with something a bit more blog-ish. :)

Oh, the Creativity.

I...have a new favorite hobby. While searching online for various things today, I ran across Polyvore.com. Basically, it's an online collage site. It's fabulous and addicting.


The Birds

This is the image I found that turned me on to the website. I just love this.

Shots of Winter Break 2008

Title: Undecided.

I have no idea what to title this post. I'm sure I'll come up with one by the end.

So...I've finished my first semester of college, and am now getting ready to begin my second. The first was...okay. Someone asked me a few days ago, "So has your college experience so far been everything you wanted it to be?" I had to answer honestly: no. But then again, who gets everything they want? I'm not complaining, it was a great semester. Had a few rough spots, a bit of homesickness, nothing out of the ordinary. I made some great friends, better than I had hoped to make my first semester at college, grew closer to some older ones, and kept up with ones back at home. I have a job, a semi-good GPA, and seem to be settling into Columbia quite well. However, something's been eating at the back of my mind for the last few months, and it's becoming more and more prominent as times goes by.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Absolutely no idea.

For most of my life, I've either wanted to teach or do something with Piano/Music. Well, for various reasons, I've recently ruled out both of those options and am now at Square One. I won't say "back to Square One", because I can't recall a time that I've ever actually been there. I've never really had a standout talent, so this decision isn't going to be an obvious one. I don't have to make this choice for quite some time, but still, it seems like everyone else knows, or at least has an idea of what they'd like to be doing with their lives. It's very disconcerting to not know what I want to be doing with my life. It's also very frustrating when people ask what I want to do with my major, and I have to respond with, "Well, I really have no idea." I've always seen myself as a pretty organized, with it kind of person. I always have a schedule, know what I'm doing and when, and always have a plan. I love getting places early, and I make lists as a hobby. So why oh why do I all of a sudden have NO plan for my life whatsoever?! It kind of scares me. Part of me feels like if I have no idea what I want to do, then why am I wasting thousands of dollars to go to an expensive school? I could sort my life out at home just as easily, and for a whole lot cheaper. The other part of me says that right now I need to embrace independence and try to figure things out. I thought school was where I was supposed to be, where God wanted me. I suppose it is...I've never seriously considered NOT going to college...oh dear. This could really go either way. I think college has been good for me so far. I've always loved school. I don't think I'm quite ready to be done with it yet; it just started getting good. I just feel like I've been stuck in this rut of uncertainty for five months now, and I am SO ready to get out of it.

Hm. I never did come up with a title.

Leaning Into 2009

What a fellowship, what a joy divine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Leaning, leaning,
Safe and secure from all alarms;
Leaning, leaning,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

O how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
O how bright the path grows from day to day,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

What have I to dread, what have I to fear,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Every month, my church picks a "Hymn of the Month"; we do a synopsis of it, learn about the context in which it was written, music composed, bio of the author, etc.. This month's is "Leaning On The Everlasting Arms", written by Elisha A. Hoffman. Hoffman penned the words to this hymn after talking with two of his friends that had lost their spouses in the recent past. I don't know exactly what thoughts were going through his mind, but I can suppose he must have imagined what it would be like to not have someone you were so close to all of a sudden vanish from your life, leaving you with nothing to lean on. I suppose it was from something like this line of thinking that this hymn was written. As the hymn was being discussed during this morning's service, the statement was made that, "The brightest of times are not when everything in your life is going well, but when you are most leaning on Christ." This statement just really struck a chord with me. I know it seems kind of obvious, but when you think about it, it's just so true. Usually at the start of a new year, people think back about the previous one with either regret or satisfaction, remembering good memories, bad experiences, or things they regret. As I looked back at 2008, there really weren't many bad things I could recall, but there weren't really any super amazing ones either. My life was pretty okay: nothing out of the ordinary happened. I graduated, had two great jobs over the summer, and finished my first semester of college. After thinking about it for a while, I realized that there wasn't a lot of Leaning going on in my life. Sure, my life was pretty great, but was I leaning on the Everlasting Arms to make my life even more than it could be? At times, yes, but as a regular way of life? Well...no.

Let's take this metaphor a bit further: Okay, obviously this hymn is talking about the Church leaning on Christ for stability and safety. The church is the bride of Christ. Just like a wife leans on her husband for support, so does the church on her bridegroom, Christ. Now, I'll admit: 80% of the time, I'm not content with my 'relationship status' (to use facebook terms). Aren't we all discontent with that at some point though? It's something I'm constantly working on, failing at, and trying again. As I was listening to this hymn, it occurred to me: How am I supposed to even try to lean on someone else's arms, when I'm not even leaning on the arms that are Everlasting? Even in a marriage, human arms will buckle under the burden of holding someone else up. Those arms can regain their strength, but will constantly fail. The Father's arms are everlasting: they never get tired! They will always support us, regardless of how heavy the burden of sin is. At this point, I'm trusting (or at least trying) that God will bring someone along for me, if that's His plan. Until then, I think His Everlasting Arms are more than enough for me to be leaning on. Even if He does bring someone into my life, those will be a secondary pair of leaning arms, because I will already have Everlasting ones!
It just makes me want to kick myself when I think of all the time I've wasted not leaning, and trying to support myself. Gosh, I've fallen so many times and haven't learned from my mistakes. Hopefully, 2009 will be much different. Some people want to "hit the ground running", but I think I'm going to not hit the ground by Leaning.