Bullet Points.

Contemplative state of mind. Go.

--Just watched 500 Days of Summer. I don't care what the legit edgy people say, that movie wasn't trying to be anything.
--Edgy...what is it with my obsession with being edgy? I don't really want to be edgy...just look like edgy...it's more just the label...and the look...which are things that don't matter and just burn in the end...a desire to not be mainstream...or preppy...ew, preppy...just want to be unique.
--I still have 3 weeks left of break. 3 weeks at home. Which is nice. Love my family. Miss my friends, who are becoming more and more like family as time goes by.
--Signed a lease for an apartment for next year. It's a nice apartment, and I'm grateful to have found it. Not going to lie though: I really wanted that house.
--I just want a space of my own. Mine. To paint. I would like a green kitchen, with clear dishes. And a china blue bedroom, with a wall to draw on. And a red living room, with a leather overstuffed couch. And a yellow bathroom, with white porcelain everything.
--I'm at the age when other people my age that I know start getting married. I won't lie and say that being single is wonderful, because it's not. But it's enjoyable. And flexible, I suppose. Lets you do things you couldn't do otherwise. (I say this, but don't really know what those things are. Enlighten me. Because people say it all the time and I always wonder.)
--I would like to live in a perpetual state of Summer. (Don't worry, it's just Winter getting to me right now.)
--I often worry that I will never do something amazing. I just want to do one amazing thing. Something that will make people say, "Wow, that is truly amazing." And mean it. Just one thing.
--Yellow: mustard yellow, $4 scarf, flats that give me blisters, disease, The Yellow Wallpaper, macaroni, Mizzou gold, the sun, pollen that stained my favorite shirt, tie-dying something in shades of yellow could turn out nicely, would yellow still look good on me if I dyed my hair red,?
--Piercing or tattoo? The ever-cyclical question.
--Birds. Owls.
--Sleep.

Thursday!

Things I LOVE about today:

-Rolling out of bed and going to class...perhaps in what I slept in? :) I threw a hoodie over it...
-Getting back from my 8am at 9:15, washing, drying, styling hair and still getting to my 10:00 on time
-Getting out of econ early
-THE WEATHER
-Going to sign up for the rockband tournament with G-Bangs
-Getting to see the "bowels" of Plaza as we were signing up. It was magical.
-Sitting in a booth at lunch
-Coloring on the table at lunch (They had crayons and paper! Like Macaroni Grill!)
-Push-up pops at lunch
-Walking through white campus with Katie
-Exploring the mini farmer's market on Lowry Mall
-THE WEATHER
-Honey Ice cream
-Friend/Aquaintance counting on Lowry
-Finding out about a SMOOTHIE PLACE on campus...
-...leading to a spontaneous adventure with Allison to GET a smoothie!
-Seeing a wonderful sculpture in the Life Sciences building, and recognizing a microscope slide on it as chlorophyll (I DID pay attention in Biology!)
-Applying for a fun new job in HRM
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXk_KVNfInU
-Opening my windows and letting THE WEATHER in
-New Jason Castro single on iTunes :)
-Spontaneous dance parties
-Editing a HILARIOUS video of my wonderful sister
-Being reminded that God is the Bread of Life, and my only satisfaction.
-Sparky's after RUF
-Good conversations and walking all the way home from Sparky's.
-Realizing that GOD sent me this wonderful day as a way to remind me of how WONDERFUL He is to me!

Oh, did I mention the weather? :)

Je le savais.

('I knew it', for those of you who don't read French.)

I knew it. I didn't stick to my once-a-week resolution for blogging. Ah, well, c'est la vie.
So school has started and is about in full swing now...it's only been two weeks and I felt like Labor Day Long Weekend was not enough time to recover from the flurry that is my life now. Balancing 15 hours of class and 20 hours of work per week, plus a few other extra activities is proving to be a welcome challenge. I'm seeing a lot more of people around campus this semester, which is nice. I've also committed myself to be going to The Crossing this year (the church I 'flirted' with last school year), and I'm finding comfort in deciding to be settled. Last year was so full of questions and new things, it's nice to settle down and have some constants in my life.
Hmm...last year.
To be completely honest, I slacked off quite a bit in my relationship with Christ last year. Reason? Meh, there were many. One of them was a lack of motivation: this is something that I struggle with in many areas of my life...school, accomplishments, relationships at times; my parents joke that I'm the "content one" who's just fine with how she is and sees no room to change anything, which is true. I'd like to tell myself it's not a selfish thing, but a personality thing, but that would just be lying to myself. I wasn't motivated to find a ride to church every Sunday, I wasn't motivated to read the Word, I wasn't motivated to be personal with Christ. I still struggle with this motivation, but now I've at least identified the problem. I think last year I also made a lot of excuses. "Oh, I'm new here" or "I'll get to it once I've settled in" or "My life is so unfamiliar right now" were common phrases in my conversations with God and myself last year, and it's high time I toss those out. It's time for me to stop making excuses and start making decisions.
Another reason I slacked off last year was distraction. My new life as a semi-independant college student on my own was so sparkly and new to me that it drew my eyes away from the beauty of Christ. Sure, I acknowledged Christ for being involved in my life, but was I focused on Him? No. Not in the least. My devotions were divided amongst so many things: friends, worries, schoolwork. Looking back, my life had just a general lack of the Beauty that comes from Christ. My year was spent worrying and fretting over things that just didn't belong in the high priority spots that I had placed them in. My loyalty was split into a thousand different pieces. Recently I heard someone use the term "pre-Fall integrity". One of the definitions of integrity is "the state of being whole and undivided". I want to be restored to that pre-Fall integrity; focused solely on Christ. I've always loved the phrase "having eyes for someone"; the thought of someone being so captivated by the beauty or uniqueness of someone or something that their eyes see only them. I want to have eyes for only Christ, instead of being split up into a million pieces and directions.
Goal: Refocus, stay focused.
The best part? Unlike myself, God has focused His love on me, and that love stays focused. I wish I could express it more eloquently, because that truth deserves more eloquence than I can give it.

Four Words: integrity, chaos, focus, comittment.

Summer in the City

Oh, look at that, Summer's almost over.
Honestly, I don't know where it went. And guess what? now I only have two Summers left. Just two. And then I'll be an adult, and they don't GET summers. I think I used this one to its fullest potential, work-wise, that is. Working 35-40 hours a week gives you a whole different perspective on what they like to call "Time Management" (or lack thereof). But the funny thing is, I didn't really see my jobs as work. They were more like...happy fun time that I was using productively. It sounds stupid, but really, I have great relationships with the people I work with, and it's fun just using that time to build those relationships, and be productive at the same time. Okay, list time:
Coldstone: Gosh, do I love that place to death. Never did I think that when I started that job the summer before my senior year of high school, that I would still be working there as a sophmore in college. I have the best bosses in the world, and (for the most part) great co-workers. I'm on the older end of the bunch, but it's still a ton of fun. Having that to come back to whenever I want is a huge blessing.
NCCKids: This was the second summer I've worked for NCCKids, and it was even better than last summer. I mean, I get paid to plan VBS. And it counts as an internship for my HRM major. While I don't get to have too many direct interactions with the kids, just serving them and their parents is a great opportunity for me to serve the church, and fund my education. This year brought some big changes in the way we do VBS overall, and it was a big success. Rome: Paul and the Underground Church was our theme, and every day the kids got to spend time in a "real" Roman marketplace. All of the shopkeepers had different characters, some were christians, some were polytheists, some were atheists. By Day Two I was already hearing kids sharing the Gospel with the "non-christian" shopkeepers. Let me tell you: it is such an awesome priviledge to hear a 7 year old sharing the gospel, and hearing their excitement at the end of the week when one of the shopkeepers became a christian. Out of all the years that I've been involved in VBS (8 years, I think?), I think this year was the first time that I've seen kids get so passionate about the Gospel themselves, not just letting it go in one ear and out the other. The 80+ VBS workers and myself got to witness something very special this summer.
Family: OH, the Fam. It was good being home with them. Especially the sisters. I think being home for 2.5 months was a good amount of time for me. Sharing a room with Sister #2 was...an experience. I'd like to think that we're both better people for it. And a last minute, unexpected (for me anyways) trip to Florida the week before school was a HUGE blessing (I had lots of those this summer, if you didn't catch that by now). Spending time just being with them was a much needed break. I needed a break from Summer break. So yes, the Fam was great, and always will be.
Other experiences: Hmmm, I house-sat alot. I mean, a LOT. Probably 4 weeks of the summer was spent housesitting. Good times. It did make me feel like I spent the summer living out of a suitcase though. Some of them never really got all the way unpacked either...
I got to go on the summer retreat with the middle schoolers at church at the beginning of June as a last-minute leader. One of the big things I missed about home while I was at school was working with the middle schoolers. They bring so much joy into my life, and being able to be with them for a weekend brought some of that joy back. I had an awesome small group that weekend, I love those girls so much! They were my Joy-Boost from God all summer.
Made it back to Columbia a few times, mostly for job searching. My efforts were rewarded with a kick-A job at the Tiger Team Store, selling football merch and whatnot. I think it's going to be pretty great. It's already given me a textbook scholarship (WHAT?!?!?) that took away alot of the pain and anguish that comes from buying textbooks; so thanks, God! Sunday evenings were spent with the Zou Crew (and a few extras we picked up) at Starbucks reading through Psalms and just being together. I have such awesome friends. I don't know what I would do without them.

So, there's my summer. It was a great time. Grew alot, drove alot, worked alot. Instead of it feeling like it's coming to an end, I feel like it's shooting me into the school year with motivation. We'll see how longs that lasts.

Summer in Four Words: Productive, Joyful, Chaotic, Fulfilling

*Shrug and sheepish grin*

I'm back. Maybe I'm just not as thoughtful during the summer. Maybe it's the halls of education that gets my mind flowing and keeps the blog posts plentiful...okay, judging by last school year's random postings, maybe not. However, I'm really going to try this year. I was encouraged by a friend to journal once a week. I'm not too into writing in journals, so I'm doing it blog-style. I'm not going to try to live up to some "blogger standard", I'm not going to try to sound smart, intellectual, spiritual, or emotional, I'm just going to write what comes, and when it comes (as long as it's once a week). If you catch me lagging behind, call me out on it. Lord knows I always need more accountability in my life. Okay? Okay. Let's do this.

Oh Blog, it's been so long.

Wow, haven't been here in a while. Sorry blog. And sorry to the two people that read this blog. :)
Let's see...what has happened since the last time I was here...in FEBRUARY!
I...
...officially changed majors (HRM here I come!)
...secured two jobs for the summer (thanks God!)
...changed the spelling of my name (get used to it, it's stayin' that way)
...had an awesome adventure in Chicago over Spring Break with Madeline

...

That's it. I've basically just been working my butt off at school and work, so nothing too exciting here. God's been sending some awesome weather in Columbia's direction lately, so I'm really quite thankful for that. Today is the perfect Madi weather: 65 degrees; cloudy, but not too overcast; breezy, but not windy; and just an overall lovely day outside. Good weather is a great encouragement to me, it just kind of gives me hope. I tend to go into hibernation in the winter: physically, emotionally...it's nice to come out and see the sun. One of the other things I've been appreciating lately are the little landscaping elves on the MU campus here. All of a sudden, there are all these beautiful flowers everywhere! I have never seen so many vibrant colors of tulips as there are on the walkway outside the A&S building. I just can't help but stare out the window at them during class! And right behind Memorial are these deliciously magenta azalea bushes. Paired with the lush green grass and blooming trees, it is absolutely gorgeous here. I know everyone says it all the time, but Creation is just so amazingly beautiful, I really can't help just looking up at God and smiling. People see my on campus and probably think I'm a bit strange, but I really just can't help but be in wonderment. I feel like it's God's gift to me, just to give me a little push through the end of the school year; like He's saying, "It's okay, you can do this. Look, I'm here. I'll show you. Look at all these awesome things I created. I've got them, and I've got you too."
So, thanks God, for the awesome weather and all the wonderful things You created.

2/26, 11:15pm.

At RUF this semester, we've been going through Exodus and seeing how God worked through Moses to bring His people out of Egypt, pairing it with a comparison between us as Christians and the Israelites. God sent Moses to the people of Israel numerous times, and they just wouldn't listen to him because of their despair and disbelief. Moses got tired of going to the unbelieving Israelites and told God that he just couldn't do it. Rather than give Moses a long explanation, God simply told Moses,

"Just go, and see what I will do."

Just go. How many times, when I get discouraged, do I just stop trying and start complaining to God? Why is it so easy for me to forget that God is weaving out His plan in my life, right now? I've been despairing this week. I don't have a plan, I don't know what I want, and I don't like any of it. Tonight, it was just like God took my chin in his hand, turned my face towards His, looked me straight in the eye and said, "Just go. See what I will do."
Okay Lord, I'm going.